Lord of the Rich Tea Biscuits

I'm a New Zealander, albeit 12,000 miles away from the place, and one of the reasons I prefer not to live there is because their pathological patriotism terrifies me. One gets the impression (as a casual visitor, which is all I ever am these days) that saying you thought Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings was overlong and badly written will get you chased down the main street, covered in tar and feathers, sodomised by rabid dogs and lynched, possibly not in that order.

I offer the following as a peace offering to my former countrymen, then. From when Ian McKellen did a guest-starring role in Coronation Street earlier this year.